How to Write a Piece for The Spark

Since The Spark was founded, students have written a variety of creative works to entertain audiences, analyze topics, and provoke thought. Fortunately, you can write a piece for The Spark yourself.

Part 1: Ideate Your Piece

1 - Start the Process Late. If you want to write the best essay of all time, you first need to begin in the most stressed-out state of writing. Only by realizing you risk failing graduation will you become motivated to start typing. As a result, ensure you begin ideating what to write about at least three days after the deadline of the current issue’s publication.

2 - Refer to Your Monotony Code. Each writer of The Spark is assigned a Monotony Code upon birth. This is a singular niche you must never escape from. For instance, if your name happens to be Luke, you are forbidden from writing anything other than geopolitical relations. If your name is Naomi, you cannot write anything other than sister relationships. If your name is Liam L., you must stay within sports and the NFL. If your name is Andrew, do not write about any topics other than sentimental stories. If your name is Lillian, talking about anything other than why Batman and Superman are indisputably the best superheroes is banned. Choosing the right repetitive theme that you are best at writing about is essential to showing your audience who you are.

Part 2: Draft Your Piece

1 - Check the Thesaurus for Every Word. Using simple and clear words like “write” sets off a poor impression on the audience. Instead, use extravagant jargon to make readers think you know what you’re talking about. An example is replacing “write” with “scrivenerize”. 

• TIP: Keep a thesaurus by your side at all times in case DC walks around to check if you are on task. Having a dense book next to you will give the extra benefit of making you look productive.

2 - Remove All Context and Explanations. It may be tempting to try and elaborate on a social issue that does not seem clear. However, refrain from this, as readers like DC may feel offended when you assume he does not know the definition of aura or framemogging. Do not include your own personal experience or explain to the audience why your topic matters to their community. The less you provide your audience, the more your audience will have to think in order to grasp the multitude of possible interpretations of your piece. This ensures your piece demonstrates open-endedness, rather than mundane, single-dimensional thoughts.

Part 3: Polish and Submit Your Piece

1 - Ignore Editor Feedback. As previously explained in Part 1.2, writers are confined to their Monotony Code and are only experts within their own code. They are consequently unlikely to provide any valuable feedback to your unique piece. Ensure your editors do not gain access to the Google Doc that holds your drafts, so that what you write is uniquely yours. 

• TIP: Consult ChatGPT in case you are unsure if you seem credible enough. One of ChatGPT’s greatest features is making up news articles and journals, which will assist you in making anything you say seem true. 

2 - Do Not Trust Trello. This is the website that The Spark utilizes as a tool to manage and submit pieces. However, Trello’s design is highly disorganized. Its name, in addition, sounds too much like the brainrot shark, “Tralalelo”. Instead, to submit your piece, attach your Google Doc to a random assignment on Schoology then call it a day. Do not move your Trello card anywhere other than the first checkpoint. By not updating your progress whatsoever, you will make your peers think you are a highly independent worker who does not rely on any productivity tools. You can now relax and wait for views to most definitely start flooding in. Congratulations on writing a piece for The Spark!