Admin Pushes for Connection After Panorama Results, Decisively Schedules Another Wayfinder Advisory
In a shocking turn of events, the Friendly Neighborhood Deans have announced that we are lacking connection in this school, citing recent Panorama results. Apparently, the number of less than ideal responses to “do you think your teachers hate you” and “are you a participant/recipient of bullying” was concerning.
As an astute and observant student, I must say: I too am worried. Knowing that my peers painstakingly pour their honest, detailed opinions into every single yearly, semesterly, monthly, weekly, and daily survey, form, and feedback request, something must be done for the 47 students who checked “never” or “1 out of 5” for every prompt, most alarmingly, even for Tripod’s iconically eyecatching “I answered this survey honestly” prompt!
In any case, in efforts to present more slideshows, our administration has scheduled five more Wayfinder Advisories and three more Faculty Inservice mornings! To recap the most memorable moments/takeaways of my previous Wayfinder Advisories: simulating verbally abusive university drug dealers (just keep saying no!), how to appropriately manage (conceal?) your never-ending SAS workload, and of course, 20 ways to foster belonging and start a conversation with someone new (note that they won’t work on anyone below the age of 35). Or wait, were those lunch assemblies? Free block seminars?
Actually, I don’t even remember. But that may just be a testament to how seamlessly these sessions integrate into our daily lives. Nothing quite replicates the warm, organic feeling of belonging like elaborating on your emotional state to a randomized cluster of ten people you have never once voluntarily opened up to, occasionally resembling a behavioral study conducted on mildly sedated primates (pre-lunch second semester seniors).
Equally heartening is the administration's refreshingly visible presence. I, for one, find it deeply comforting that my most vivid memories of the Dean's office involve being judged from across a desk. Some might call it intimidating. I call it: being seen. Is that not what Panorama told us we wanted? And sure, the skeptical look I receive when hacking and coughing my way through an exit slip request and the side-eye when checking in late after three hours of sleep (thanks AP Lang) are perhaps technically the opposite of support, but rules are rules, and my physical presence in the building (however cut short or delayed) is clearly less important.
Anyways back to the topic of loss of belonging (though have we ever left?). Perhaps it’s the 8 summatives a week, toxic grade culture, or the amount of slurs screamed in the halls (or as we adapt to an increase in lunch monitors, meeting rooms)! I guess I don’t know. I am, after all, just a student. The problem certainly could be better diagnosed by a carefully worded multiple-choice survey (AP US Gov reference!).
With that, I must commend our administration’s consistent commitment to fixing our problems. When 3 out of our 4 esteemed cheating cartels collapse in a week, we are left lost and answerless (literally!). Navigating SAS’s stunningly thriving ecosystem of grade calculations mid-conversation and extracurricular comparison spreadsheets, it really is incredibly comforting to know that the real issue (our inability to articulate our feelings in a circle through movement) has been correctly identified. The tests will reschedule themselves. The AP Econ grading scale will finally be just.
After all, as they say and as time (and surveys?) have proven, nothing a 30 minute slideshow can’t fix.
Did this essay make you feel belonging?
1: NO, 2: Barely, 3: I guess, 4: Okay, 5: YES
Enter student ID (so we can track who didn’t respond and hound your teacher to stand behind you until you complete this survey):
______________________