Predictions for the New School Year: Here’s What the Stars Say

New year, new you—or at least that’s what you and every other student like to believe. This is finally the time you’ll lock in, both proverbially and literally. But what kind of “lock-in” student are you? And, more importantly… how do the stars think it’ll turn out?

Scribrio (Jan 20 – Feb 18):
That five meals’ worth of investment in pencils, folders, and a brand-new case felt like money well spent. No more awkwardly asking for a pencil, no more cutting your hand rummaging through the abyss of your bag. You’ll be so organized your teachers might even cry—and they will, but only because the pen is mightier than the sword, and somehow you’ve managed to lose both.

Champira (Feb 19 – Mar 20):
You can already picture it: your name on the varsity roster, medals gleaming, the crowd cheering. You’ll be at every practice, taking every shot…. Except the only shots you’ve been making are at the trash can during lunch, and even there, you keep proving that practice doesn’t always make perfect.

Slumberus (Mar 21 – Apr 19):
The early bird catches the worm; perfect attendance and no more nodding off in class are yours this year. You’re gonna make sure you get all 7 hours of sleep each day as a MINIMUM. Just don’t sweat being 20 minutes late—first period isn’t that important anyway.

Flexor (Apr 20 – May 20):
You’re gonna hit the gym CONSTANTLY this year; it’ll practically be your second home. No more excuses for why you can’t go; the only thing failing this year will be your muscles. You’ll be tired, yes, but don’t sweat it; history repeats itself, and in your history, the treadmill sees a future under three jackets. 

Clubbicorn (May 21 – Jun 20):
Ten clubs? Twelve? You’re convinced you’ll attend them all, scoop up the leadership roles, and become the face of every group. But those meetings take time… wasn’t this also the year you planned to be an academic demon? Maybe you’ll cut it down to nine… or seven… or four… or one.

Favorion (Jun 21 – Jul 22):
“Favourite student” has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? And you’ll be hearing it all year once you become the charismatic, diligent pupil every teacher dreams of. Granted, that probably wasn’t the impression you gave when you took a twenty-minute bathroom break on day one. They’ll remember you, of course, because absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Testora (Jul 23 – Aug 22):
You promise yourself you’ll review a little every night, slow and steady. But when the exam rolls around, “steady” looks more like cramming three chapters at 2 a.m.—the tortoise may have won the race, but he didn’t have five finals in one week.

Assignes (Aug 23 – Sep 22):
This is the year you’ll turn in every assignment on time: projects finished, homework perfected, deadlines nailed. Unfortunately, the only thing you’ve managed to deliver promptly is requests for extensions; homework isn’t the most fun pastime, is it? After all, the road to the study hall is paved with good intentions… and missing homework.

Plannari (Sep 23 – Oct 22):
No Scrolling. No games. When you get home, you'll sit down and study ahead of class. Textbooks, YouTube lectures, the whole shabang. Better to be overprepared than underprepared, right? Wait, what’s happening? It’s fine, you’ll catch up tonight… probably

Libro (Oct 23 – Nov 21):
You may not look like the type to read, and you aren’t. But as they say, don’t judge a book by its cover. Soon you’ll have “read” so many that the books practically read themselves. You’ll take a leaf out of the great scholars in history and rely on online summaries. Which, of course, still counts. Practically.

Collabora (Nov 22 – Dec 21):
Many hands make light work…or so they say. You’ll make sure there are plenty this time, because you’re done carrying dead weight. But talking to people is scary, and many hands don’t just make light work—they make light excuses, light effort, and even lighter attendance, leaving you once again with all the heavy lifting.

Procrastius (Dec 22 – Jan 19):
You’re not like other students. You know change takes time, so you’ll start small: tiny habits each day until you become the studious vision you dream of. Soon you’ll be that honor roll student you always imagined. And it all kicks off… next Monday. Or this Monday. Wait—was it last Monday