> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.itsthespark.com/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # The Person You're Trying to Become Doesn't Exist - URL: https://www.itsthespark.com/the-person-youre-trying-to-become-doesnt-exist/ - Published: 2026-09-21T00:01:48.000Z - Updated: 2026-09-21T00:01:47.000Z - Description: We spend our entire lives trying to make ourselves the ideal person, but research proves that this person doesn't exist. So why are we so obsessed with this illusion? - Author: Vihaan Karira - Tags: #active, Issue 1: Fitting In, Volume 4, Cultural Criticism In the years after the Second World War, the United States Air Force could not stop its planes from crashing. Pilots were losing control during routine flights, too often due to bad luck. The Air Force blamed the pilots and they blamed the mechanics, yet the planes kept on falling. Only after they stopped blaming others did they realize that the issue was in the [cockpit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eBmyttcfU4&ref=itsthespark.com). The cockpit had been built decades earlier for the average pilot, and it was out of date. To update it, the Air Force measured [4,063 pilots](https://www.lesswrong.com/w/lt-gilbert-s-daniels-and-the-myth-of-averages?ref=itsthespark.com) based on ten dimensions each. Measurements such as the height, chest length, arm length, and more were taken, and the new seat was rebuilt around the new average. Their philosophy was that if the cockpit was designed for the typical body, it would fit almost everyone. That makes sense, right? Wrong. Researcher [Gilbert Daniels](https://education.asu.edu/about/news/opinion-gilbert-daniels-gardener-who-changed-our-world?ref=itsthespark.com) was not convinced. He started by asking one question: How many of the 4,063 pilots were average across all ten dimensions at once? The answer was zero. Not one. A pilot may have an average height but long arms, or an average chest but shorter legs. > Chasing ideals has one guaranteed outcome: the feeling that you will never be good enough. The human body does not scale evenly. A person is a bundle of measurements that disagree with each other, yet the world is built for that person who doesn’t exist. This isn’t limited to pilots and cockpits either. Car safety systems are still designed around a [man’s](https://www.cnn.com/2022/12/15/world/female-car-crash-test-dummy-spc-intl?ref=itsthespark.com) body, which makes women more likely to get injured during a crash. We see the same [disparity](https://news.uchicago.edu/story/women-are-overmedicated-because-drug-dosage-trials-are-done-men-study-finds?ref=itsthespark.com) between genders in medicine doses, where women can be overdosed due to testing being conducted on men. The average is not a single person, but rather a combination of unattainable numbers. This same logic can be applied to how we measure ourselves—except now, instead of average, we measure for the *ideal.* We say that it is “fitting in”, but really we strive to be perfect, especially as students. We aim to be the student with perfect grades, an effortless social life, a strong work ethic, and good sleep. That is what we are telling ourselves to become, even though there is no person like that. Those traits can be compared to the pilot's measurements. A student may be smart but lack the time for social interaction or sleep. A student may be an incredible athlete, but struggle in the classroom. If you chase a certain trait, other ones slip, because there is only so much you can do as a human being. The ideal is a pile of best-case parts that can never coexist in a single person, just like how the average measurements can never coexist in a single pilot. The average pilot and ideal student are the same ghost in different clothes. The concept of fitting in starts to come apart. To fit in is to match some shared shape or some common outline that we all agree on. But regardless of whether that shape is the average or the ideal, it is built around nobody. Out of over four thousand people, the only thing they had in common was that none were average. Chasing ideals has one guaranteed outcome: the feeling that you will never be good enough. And it doesn’t even make you a better person. The traits are a trade off, so striving to be ideal in everything sands off the unique edges that make you *you*. Look at some of the people we admire: Steve Jobs, Usain Bolt, Michael Jackson. Think they tried to fit in? Think they tried to be normal? They were lopsided, extreme in one aspect and unremarkable in the rest. Striving to be the ideal would have turned them into nobodies. The Air Force ended up learning from their mistakes and making adjustable cockpits, so why can’t we do that for the shape of our lives? According to Daniels, we were born *not*to fit in. So stop reaching for the ideal, and build your own cockpit.