End of the Road: Advice to my Younger Self
Lately, I’ve been tying up many loose ends. I bought gifts for teachers, discussed one last summer trip with my friends, and planned how often I should come home to my parents. In the midst of all this, I’ve forgotten how long I’ve been a high school student. For the past four years, I’ve been thrown onto a rollercoaster of emotions, having ups and downs. Now that it’s all over, I finally have the chance to truly look back and reflect.
I find that the best way of reflecting is by revisiting old photos in my camera roll. Some of my favorites come from the 9th-grade era, when the cafeteria was still two floors, when there were bleachers next to the field, and most of all, when I was scared out of my mind to even interact with upperclassmen, something that the underclassmen of today should probably pick up. When I look at these photos, I wonder: what would I tell my younger self now that I’ve been through it all?
To be honest, I think my 9th-grade self would’ve had a heart attack if he saw who I am now. I’m not nearly the same scrawny kid who played video games on his phone with friends at lunch and died of laughter over immature jokes. I’ve become more pensive, and although I still go out a bit too much for my mom’s liking, the conversations with my friends have grown deeper and more meaningful.
Through all this reflection, I’ve narrowed down my thoughts into three lessons that my 14-year-old self should’ve known. As the eldest sibling, I didn’t have anyone to show me the way through high school—no handbook to follow, no role model to guide me. Therefore, I’m sure I would’ve found it useful. I hope others can find this applicable as well.
First: take care of yourself, and know that physical and mental barriers are related. Back then, I weighed around 55 kilograms, which, for a boy of my height and age, was very low. Although I wasn’t malnourished or starving, it did lead me to feel more lethargic and tired at times. More importantly, my skinny frame made me insecure—I was bummed about being perceived as underweight and weak. That’s why taking weight training classes for the first time changed my whole perspective. I started going to the gym consistently and saw rapid changes. I ate more, put on more weight, and got stronger, which improved my mindset as well. That’s one thing that I would tell my past self a thousand times over: going to the gym will improve everything for you.
Second: understand that academic struggles will be part of the process. On the first-ever real calculus test I had, I got a B+. That might seem like not much of a big deal, but as someone who was used to breezing through classes, it came as a massive shock. The grade made me question my abilities for the first time. That night, I vowed to never let this sort of slip-up happen again, but on the very next test, disaster struck. Another B+. In the following weeks, my gut felt like it was tied into a million tiny knots, and nothing would cause it to untangle. It took quite some time to recover after that. Eventually, though, things started to improve, not because I studied harder, but because I adapted to the fast pace of the high school environment. I acknowledged that there would be challenges, and with that, the struggles seemed a little easier.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, know when to take a break. Throughout high school, I was under constant pressure, whether it was from my mom’s high expectations or my own goals that I strove so hard to accomplish. In the midst of all this, I forgot how to relax. There was a period in junior year when I just felt trapped in my room, unable to go out until I finished the mountain of work that was still piling up. When I heard stories about my friends waking up at 11, eating lunch, and then napping and waking up to the smell of dinner, my brain couldn’t even imagine me doing that. Only when senior year rolled around did I truly find out that I could settle down, and that I didn’t have to be so uptight in the past. Now, I’m going out with my friends a lot more, and still cruising along in school. Balancing academics and social life wasn’t nearly as hard as I had feared—I just wish I had found out sooner.
I say all of this because I’m about to embark on an even bigger journey with no clear destination. For my whole life, everything has been about preparing for this massive goal of college, and now that I’m here, there’s just more ahead, looming in the distance. That’s scary, and I wonder if I’d have a heart attack looking at the 22-year-old version of me. However, if I had to tell my 14-year-old self one thing, it’s this: it all worked out. I’ve just been through the toughest, but also the most rewarding time of my life. In four years, I hope I can say that again.